Sunday, February 23, 2014

Umstead Marathon Mascotolgy Boycott

The Peoples 'Possum will not be denied!

Fans of the Umstead Marathon may be familiar with this blog due to the expert Mascotology analysis we provide every year.

I regret to inform you that there will be NO mascotology this year. We are boycotting.

The wife greedily hoards Umstead plaques

For the uninitiated: the Umstead Marathon has a different mascot each year which adorns the assorted race paraphernalia: t-shirts, finisher's pint glasses, etc. The top 15 finishers of each gender receive the coveted wooden plaques in the shape of the mascot. See here for more info about the shadowy group known as the "Conclave" that chooses the mascot.  Previous posts: 2010201120122103.

We will not be discussing how cool a snake would be, or  how long overdue it is.
Malevolent Overlords
Why are we boycotting?
Because the insular little cult of the "Conclave" has become a ruthless and bitter dictatorship.
Yes, they continue to give us the wonderful gift that is the Umstead Marathon year after year.

However, they have become mad with jealousy when it comes to the mascot selection.
Every year we accurately identify the best candidates for mascot, and The Conclave deliberately chooses something else! Just out of spite!
Despite the awesomeness of it,
we were denied a 10-point buck for the 10th anniversary.
Deerly Disappointed
2013 was the last straw.
Even though a 10-point buck was the clear choice for the 10th anniversary, The Conclave chose a duck.

Why a duck? Because back in 2012, I had mentioned that a duck would be "a disappointment".
They specifically chose a duck to disappoint us! Can you believe that?

I saw this opossum in a tree just outside Umstead in 2012.
A sign of the coming Opossumlypse

Obvious Opossum 
The problems began in 2010, when I identified the Opossum as being THE CORRECT CHOICE for the next mascot. 

They had picked a rabbit instead, but they knew I was right, and hated me for it. So instead of owning up to their mistake and giving the people their opossum, they vowed that it would never be an opossum! Ever!

You may think I am just being paranoid. But have been told directly by several members of The Conclave that this is the case. I even have it in writing! Look at this chilling threat I recently received on Facebook:

"I’m fairly certain that as long as you keep lobbying for [the possum], [The Conclave] will resist--just on general principles."

¡Viva la Revoluci├│n Zarig├╝eya!

Revolution in the Air
The last 20 years have been filled with people rising up to confront oppression to make things right:
The Orange Revolution in Ukraine, the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia, the Rose Revolution in Georgia.

Well the time has come to end Opossum oppression. The Peoples 'Possum will not be denied!
It is time for the Opossum Revolution!

This year there will be an Opossum mascot... one way... or another...