Saturday, July 3, 2010

Marathon Begins! It's Q & A time

Blogging Marathon: Day 1


"The Official 2010 Running-Down Blog Marathon Challenge" has started!
Thus begins my record setting attempt of 26.2 consecutive daily blog posts, pushing the boundaries of human endurance and attention span.

A sample of what is to come in the next 26.2 days:

  • A Runner's Guide to Biking
  • Painfully bad science fiction
  • Hazards of Summer Running
  • PowerCranks: A Tragicomedy
  • More gear reviews

Like any marathon, it is important to start slow. So I will begin with another edition of Q&A.

Internet Search Q&A

Again, these are actual questions people are typing into "The Google", and ending up here. I feel obligated to provide answers:

Q: "gradient of hearbreak hill boston marathon?"
A: Really, nothing to worry about at all. It's more like "barely noticeable slight incline". It is called "Heartbreak" because it comes at mile 21. This is the point of the race where you realize that the Wellesley girl you met at mile 13 gave you a fake phone number.

Q: "has anyone ever gotten cured of patellofemoral syndrome?"
A: No. Runner's Knee has a 100% mortality rate. Oh sure, you will read outrageous claims of miracle cures on the internet, but don't believe them. Make sure your will is up to date.

Q: "electric shock feelings emanating from the feet to the face?"
A: This is a common experience among users of the NIKE+ foot pod and iPhone combo. Try not to make phone calls if your feet are sweaty. Apple suggests that you may be "holding it wrong".

Q: "how do i check if my running injury is cured?"
A: Check your local running specialty store for an "injury indicator test kit". It will contain a special test strip that you pee on. If it turns green, your good to go!

Q: "how can i get my prayer answered in three days?"
A: Most major deities are completely overwhelmed with prayer requests these days. Especially since the advent of American Idol and Apple consumer electronics.
I have had good look luck with the Demonic Goat at Father & Sons Antiques in Raleigh.

Q: "why did i bonk at mile 24?"
A: You took the hill at mile 3 a little too fast, and you missed the water stop at mile 7.

Q: "physical therapy knee rolling pin?"
A: Yes, getting whacked in the knees with a rolling pin sounds very painful and unusual, but you must trust your physical therapist. He is a professional and knows what he is doing.

Q: "is it bad to take a bath before running a race?"
A: Yes. I try not to shower or bathe for 5 days before a race. This provides plenty of space in the starting corral.

Q: "how fast average 40 year old run 5k?"
A: Wow, good question. I just happen to be running a 5K today, so I will let you know tomorrow.

Bonus Question from Vibram Chris:
Q: "When I run I feel quite like a running-macho-machine. But when someone photographs me during a race I look like a sweaty-knee-knocking-fatso needing a 'bro'.Why is that?"
A: If it is any consolation, this happens to everybody. The "Runner's high" has a very powerful hallucinogenic effect, distorting our perception of reality.
Example: "I am out in the middle of Uwharrie, it's freezing rain, my feet are bleeding, and I am 2 hours from being done... isn't this great!"
Extended exposure to this drug can cause severe impairment of judgement. For example these red shorts:

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