Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If shoe companies made cars...

Blogging Marathon: Day 4

Imagine a world where running shoe companies make cars…


"Hi. I'll be a little late getting home", I said.
I was in my Asics Gel Jeep, cruising down I-40 while talking with Shannon on the video chat display.

"I'm going to stop by the Nike dealership first and check out some of the new models. Then I'm going over to the..." BANG!

My Jeep slammed into the rear end of a Brooks Beast Bronco. I was jolted forward in my 10 point crash harness, my head whipping forward.
I was used to this though, and didn't even take my eyes off the screen.
Rrrrrrrrrr . The engine revved up as the cruise control accelerated the car forward again.

"...then I'm going over to the orthopedist to get a new..." BANG!

Again, my car collided with the Bronco, bouncing off of it.
"Ow! Sorry, the traffic is pretty bad right now. Anyway, I'm going to the orthopedist afterward to get a new neck brace. Be home by eight."
“OK. Bye!”

After she hung up, I still had few miles to go, so I started typing up a blog post.
BANG! Rrrrrrrrrr.
The traffic, however, was making it difficult to type.
BANG! Rrrrrrrrrr.
So, I just checked up on FaceBook.
BANG! Rrrrrrrrrr…. BANG!

Finally, I pulled into the dealership and parked. I took off my brace and rubbed my neck. It was killing me.
When I got out, I was greeted by the sales guy.
"Hi. How can I help you?"
"I think I need a new car", I said, "I have this chronic neck issue."
The sales guy pursed his lips and nodded, "uh huh. Let's take a look at your current vehicle". He walked to the front and examined the two foot thick rubber bumper.

“How many miles do you have on this?” he said, disgusted.
“About eight hundred”
“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk” he shook his head, “You are way overdue. You see, the constant impact eventually breaks down the cushioning. You know you should replace your car every 600 miles.”
“Yeah, I know”, I said, guilty.
"And these wear patterns here indicate that you are an 'over-accelerator'. We need to put you in a motion control car. Something with the maximum in shock absorption and stability”

About 30 minutes later, I was driving out of the dealership in my brand new Nike Air Escalade. I had to take out a new loan, but what could I do? My old Asics Gel Jeep was worn out and not helping my neck at all.

I got back onto the freeway, appreciating the smooth ride as the Escalade merged in with the traffic.
BOOF! Vvrrrrrr.
BOOF! Vrrrrrrr.
My neck was still aching though.

As I was cruising to the clinic, I happened to look out the windshield and saw this crazy guy in this little convertible car driving in front of me. Amazingly, the car had no rubber cushioned bumpers. No roll bar, or crash harness or any safety features at all.

He was an incredible driver. He had such precise control of the car; braking, accelerating, weaving through the traffic without hitting anything. How did he do it? Obviously he was gifted with perfect reflexes.

“Still”, I thought, “Eventually he’ll get hurt”
BOOF!
“Ow!”

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