Despite wearing my gaudy red and orange Brooks Launch shoes, I failed to win (see Red Shoe Theory). Even though I ran my fastest 5K ever, I finished in a distant 14th place.
The reason is that there were lots of people there in Red Shoes. In fact, I saw at least 4 other pairs of the exact same shoes that I have, including the ones pictured left, worn by Wayne Crews.
So these Launch shoes have become downright plebeian, and will no longer impress anyone. According to the Theory, I need to find shoes even more gaudy, brighter, and ridiculous.
Perhaps something battery powered, with red strobe lights and sirens. Maybe a scrolling marque that circles around them: "STAND BACK! I AM REALLY FAST! DO NOT ATTEMPT TO KEEP UP WITH ME!"
Anyone seen any shoes like that?
UPDATEBarefoot Josh had this absolutely perfect suggestion. Nobody will mess with me if I am at the starting line wearing these. Now I wonder if they have them in a size 12...
My Little Pony? Come on! Been there, done that.
High tops? With my matching pink short shorts? Two words describe this.